Kit (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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veilbreak2026-02-05 12:58 am
andcaboodle) wrote in veilbreak2026-02-05 12:58 am
Entry tags:
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CHARACTERS: Jamie & Kit
WHAT: Jamie checks up on Kit after his conversation with Jax
WHEN: Feb 3
WHERE: Kit's room
WARNINGS: feels but ultimately pretty sweet
"It's open!" The knock on the door is enough to get Kit to scramble into a sitting position on his bed— after a very public display of emotion, he doesn't need Jamie to see him wallowing any more than necessary. Still, from the slump of his shoulders, the way he pulls his knees up to his chest, his inability to muster a smile when Jamie walks in, he's clearly not fine.
He pats the spot beside him on the bed before he drags a hand over his face. "I didn't expect to have a public outburst today but here we are." The joke falls flat. "How are you? I'm sorry I didn't ask that earlier." Jax is friends with both of them; Kit may have been more public with his feelings but that doesn't mean Jamie's not hurting too.
Jamie takes the spot next to Kit, ignoring the joke Kit tries to land. He immediately leans his head back against the cool wall and closes his eyes for a second. He needs just a moment of peace before diving into this conversation with his friend. Yes, he is upset. Yes, learning Jax volunteered to take part in the testing is a surprise. That will be dealt with later and is not the focus of his visit.
Reopening his eyes, one at a time, he looks at Kit. “It’s okay, you didn’t have to ask me earlier. I’m…” he searches for the right word to describe how he’s feeling. “I don’t know right now,” he shrugs. He realizes that he hasn’t told Kit anything that has passed between him and Jax in the last couple of days which adds another layer of complication to his current state. “Are you feeling any better?” his turns to face Kit, lifting his head up so he can make direct eye contact.
"No," Kit answers bluntly in a rare moment of honesty. He's usually so quick to pretend to feel nothing, to try and repress his feelings and act like he feels nothing at all. But there seems to be little point to it now, not after making them so known only moments before.
Jamie nods, Kit’s response is not a surprise to him except that he is usually one to try and minimize his feelings. At least in Jamie’s experience. “I figured as much but there’s no harm in asking,” he replies.
"We can sit quietly, if you want. If you need to rest, that's okay. If you prefer to lie down, I'll even stroke your hair." Kit is still who he is though, someone who prefers taking care of others than himself. It's easier to focus on Jamie's needs than his own.
Kit’s offer is kind, Jamie is half tempted to take him up on it and ultimately decides against it. While his nervous system could use a moment of silence, he’s here to check in on Kit. This isn’t about him. He shakes his head slowly, “that does sound nice. But I think we should probably talk. I want to make sure you’re okay…as okay as you can be I guess.”
Kit heaves a sigh as he slumps down, resting his head on Jamie's shoulder. He doesn't especially want to talk. He's already exhausted from talking. "I'm not hoping to join an experiment that could kill, paralyze, or otherwise majorly fuck me up so I suppose that makes me relatively okay." He knows that's not really an answer though. "Jax and I will make up at some point, I'm sure, but I don't anticipate feeling okay today."
The sensation of Kit’s head finding his shoulder brings a hum of calm to his body. He exhales, deciding not to respond to his friend’s remark about the Neuroclast testing. “You don’t need to be okay today. Being okay in the future is a different matter. I’m certain the two of you will make up, but that’s why I stopped you from saying anything else. If the two of you talk with clear heads it’ll be easier.” It’s his hope that it will be easier for them to see eye to eye without heightened emotions, but understanding each other's points of view might prove difficult.
"Hard to have a clear head with how Jax let it slip. He didn't even tell us— we had to ask." Kit's anger surges once more, and he takes a deep breath as he tries to calm himself. "But who knows, maybe he won't even be approved." But while that would be a relief to those who care about him, it wouldn't erase Jax's self-sacrificing tendencies. It won't stop Kit from worrying about the next reckless decision that he assumes is more fueled by trauma and guilt and a sense of duty than careful consideration.
“I know,” Jamie's voice betrays a slight edge. “That was…less than ideal. I don’t think he meant for us to find out that way if it’s any consolation.” Truly he believes this in his gut but him saying that cannot force Kit to feel any better about how they found out. Jamie’s arm finds its way around Kit’s shoulder, hoping his hand can help ground Kit. “It would be a relief if he didn’t. I’d like to think Verin understands what a terrible idea it’d be to take volunteers from within our ranks. Nothing we can do until that decision is made.” Jamie squeezes Kit a little tighter in his best attempt at a side hug.
Kit is silent. He wishes he could have the same optimism. He wishes he believed Jax had an alternative plan that he fumbled, that Verin wouldn't look towards their own for volunteers even though they had already pledged their lives to the cause. He wishes he knew the right way to comfort Jamie too and erase the frustration that had just slipped into his voice.
But he doesn't so he simply lets out a deep sigh.
Jamie allows them to sit in silence until Kit decides to speak again. He isn’t here to push an agenda on Kit or sway hit thoughts. It’s his job to listen and comfort in this moment while hopefully adding a piece or two of helpful advice.
"Jax and I need some time but we'll talk and figure it out." He can't speak for what else the future holds but he and Jax will, eventually, be okay. Jax had called him family and family, even an odd, makeshift one like they had cultivated here, means trying to forgive and support one another.
"This feels nice though." Jamie's arm around his shoulder and his warm, steady presence at his side is soothing, and Kit can already feel his breathing low, his anger fade.
“Take the time you need, I’m sure he needs some time too. But it’ll be okay. You both care about each other and have been friends for too long to let this come in the way of that. No matter how big it feels now." So many things have happened in the last decade of Jamie’s life that now seem so small and insignificant that he hopes this is one of those for Kit. It would be heartbreaking to see two of the people he cares for the most, not speaking.
“I’m always here for you, Kit. It’s easier to keep everything inside and not speak about it, I know that, but you’re safe to talk about them with me. I won’t ever look at you different,” he reassures the other man.
Always is such a strong word. Kit isn't sure he believes in always. He isn't sure he deserves always. His first reaction is that there is no way Jamie can promise him this, there is no way Kit can expect him to always be in his corner even though Kit can't imagine ever leaving Jamie's. But—
He thinks of the sweater folded carefully in his drawer, so lovingly made that it makes his heart swell each time he looks at it. He thinks of Jamie seeking him out before a mission so they can see each other off, of Jamie sharing his coping mechanisms in the hope that they will calm Kit too. He thinks of this, the way Jamie holds him so easily and without hesitation.
His skin feels hot and he tucks his face into Jamie's neck, suddenly nervous for reasons he can't articulate. He stays like this for just a moment before he turns his head to rest his cheek against Jamie's shoulder once more because it is important for his words to be clear. "I'm always here for you too."
Jamie lets Kit fold closer into him, understanding the need for comfort from someone who makes you feel safe. That was the case here. Over the last five years since Jamie had boarded the Mnemosyne, their friendship had grown to a comfortable closeness where Jamie was never afraid to be anything other than himself. Through all of the ups and downs of living on a ship, Kit had been one of his constants.
He turns his head to briefly brush a kiss on the top of Kit’s head before moving it back and growing serious, “I know you are and I will forever appreciate that more than you know.”
Jamie's right, Kit doesn't understand it, but he chooses not to question it. Let them have this moment without Kit's anxiety interfering. "And I will forever appreciate you." And for once, the sincerity of his statement doesn't make him want to bolt or panic, it doesn't make his pulse quicken with fear over saying too much.
His eyes flutter closed as he exhales slowly. For once he can simply be.
WHAT: Jamie checks up on Kit after his conversation with Jax
WHEN: Feb 3
WHERE: Kit's room
WARNINGS: feels but ultimately pretty sweet
"It's open!" The knock on the door is enough to get Kit to scramble into a sitting position on his bed— after a very public display of emotion, he doesn't need Jamie to see him wallowing any more than necessary. Still, from the slump of his shoulders, the way he pulls his knees up to his chest, his inability to muster a smile when Jamie walks in, he's clearly not fine.
He pats the spot beside him on the bed before he drags a hand over his face. "I didn't expect to have a public outburst today but here we are." The joke falls flat. "How are you? I'm sorry I didn't ask that earlier." Jax is friends with both of them; Kit may have been more public with his feelings but that doesn't mean Jamie's not hurting too.
Jamie takes the spot next to Kit, ignoring the joke Kit tries to land. He immediately leans his head back against the cool wall and closes his eyes for a second. He needs just a moment of peace before diving into this conversation with his friend. Yes, he is upset. Yes, learning Jax volunteered to take part in the testing is a surprise. That will be dealt with later and is not the focus of his visit.
Reopening his eyes, one at a time, he looks at Kit. “It’s okay, you didn’t have to ask me earlier. I’m…” he searches for the right word to describe how he’s feeling. “I don’t know right now,” he shrugs. He realizes that he hasn’t told Kit anything that has passed between him and Jax in the last couple of days which adds another layer of complication to his current state. “Are you feeling any better?” his turns to face Kit, lifting his head up so he can make direct eye contact.
"No," Kit answers bluntly in a rare moment of honesty. He's usually so quick to pretend to feel nothing, to try and repress his feelings and act like he feels nothing at all. But there seems to be little point to it now, not after making them so known only moments before.
Jamie nods, Kit’s response is not a surprise to him except that he is usually one to try and minimize his feelings. At least in Jamie’s experience. “I figured as much but there’s no harm in asking,” he replies.
"We can sit quietly, if you want. If you need to rest, that's okay. If you prefer to lie down, I'll even stroke your hair." Kit is still who he is though, someone who prefers taking care of others than himself. It's easier to focus on Jamie's needs than his own.
Kit’s offer is kind, Jamie is half tempted to take him up on it and ultimately decides against it. While his nervous system could use a moment of silence, he’s here to check in on Kit. This isn’t about him. He shakes his head slowly, “that does sound nice. But I think we should probably talk. I want to make sure you’re okay…as okay as you can be I guess.”
Kit heaves a sigh as he slumps down, resting his head on Jamie's shoulder. He doesn't especially want to talk. He's already exhausted from talking. "I'm not hoping to join an experiment that could kill, paralyze, or otherwise majorly fuck me up so I suppose that makes me relatively okay." He knows that's not really an answer though. "Jax and I will make up at some point, I'm sure, but I don't anticipate feeling okay today."
The sensation of Kit’s head finding his shoulder brings a hum of calm to his body. He exhales, deciding not to respond to his friend’s remark about the Neuroclast testing. “You don’t need to be okay today. Being okay in the future is a different matter. I’m certain the two of you will make up, but that’s why I stopped you from saying anything else. If the two of you talk with clear heads it’ll be easier.” It’s his hope that it will be easier for them to see eye to eye without heightened emotions, but understanding each other's points of view might prove difficult.
"Hard to have a clear head with how Jax let it slip. He didn't even tell us— we had to ask." Kit's anger surges once more, and he takes a deep breath as he tries to calm himself. "But who knows, maybe he won't even be approved." But while that would be a relief to those who care about him, it wouldn't erase Jax's self-sacrificing tendencies. It won't stop Kit from worrying about the next reckless decision that he assumes is more fueled by trauma and guilt and a sense of duty than careful consideration.
“I know,” Jamie's voice betrays a slight edge. “That was…less than ideal. I don’t think he meant for us to find out that way if it’s any consolation.” Truly he believes this in his gut but him saying that cannot force Kit to feel any better about how they found out. Jamie’s arm finds its way around Kit’s shoulder, hoping his hand can help ground Kit. “It would be a relief if he didn’t. I’d like to think Verin understands what a terrible idea it’d be to take volunteers from within our ranks. Nothing we can do until that decision is made.” Jamie squeezes Kit a little tighter in his best attempt at a side hug.
Kit is silent. He wishes he could have the same optimism. He wishes he believed Jax had an alternative plan that he fumbled, that Verin wouldn't look towards their own for volunteers even though they had already pledged their lives to the cause. He wishes he knew the right way to comfort Jamie too and erase the frustration that had just slipped into his voice.
But he doesn't so he simply lets out a deep sigh.
Jamie allows them to sit in silence until Kit decides to speak again. He isn’t here to push an agenda on Kit or sway hit thoughts. It’s his job to listen and comfort in this moment while hopefully adding a piece or two of helpful advice.
"Jax and I need some time but we'll talk and figure it out." He can't speak for what else the future holds but he and Jax will, eventually, be okay. Jax had called him family and family, even an odd, makeshift one like they had cultivated here, means trying to forgive and support one another.
"This feels nice though." Jamie's arm around his shoulder and his warm, steady presence at his side is soothing, and Kit can already feel his breathing low, his anger fade.
“Take the time you need, I’m sure he needs some time too. But it’ll be okay. You both care about each other and have been friends for too long to let this come in the way of that. No matter how big it feels now." So many things have happened in the last decade of Jamie’s life that now seem so small and insignificant that he hopes this is one of those for Kit. It would be heartbreaking to see two of the people he cares for the most, not speaking.
“I’m always here for you, Kit. It’s easier to keep everything inside and not speak about it, I know that, but you’re safe to talk about them with me. I won’t ever look at you different,” he reassures the other man.
Always is such a strong word. Kit isn't sure he believes in always. He isn't sure he deserves always. His first reaction is that there is no way Jamie can promise him this, there is no way Kit can expect him to always be in his corner even though Kit can't imagine ever leaving Jamie's. But—
He thinks of the sweater folded carefully in his drawer, so lovingly made that it makes his heart swell each time he looks at it. He thinks of Jamie seeking him out before a mission so they can see each other off, of Jamie sharing his coping mechanisms in the hope that they will calm Kit too. He thinks of this, the way Jamie holds him so easily and without hesitation.
His skin feels hot and he tucks his face into Jamie's neck, suddenly nervous for reasons he can't articulate. He stays like this for just a moment before he turns his head to rest his cheek against Jamie's shoulder once more because it is important for his words to be clear. "I'm always here for you too."
Jamie lets Kit fold closer into him, understanding the need for comfort from someone who makes you feel safe. That was the case here. Over the last five years since Jamie had boarded the Mnemosyne, their friendship had grown to a comfortable closeness where Jamie was never afraid to be anything other than himself. Through all of the ups and downs of living on a ship, Kit had been one of his constants.
He turns his head to briefly brush a kiss on the top of Kit’s head before moving it back and growing serious, “I know you are and I will forever appreciate that more than you know.”
Jamie's right, Kit doesn't understand it, but he chooses not to question it. Let them have this moment without Kit's anxiety interfering. "And I will forever appreciate you." And for once, the sincerity of his statement doesn't make him want to bolt or panic, it doesn't make his pulse quicken with fear over saying too much.
His eyes flutter closed as he exhales slowly. For once he can simply be.