Kit (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
andcaboodle) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
veilbreak2026-02-10 08:53 pm
andcaboodle) wrote in veilbreak2026-02-10 08:53 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
CHARACTERS: Jamie & Kit
WHAT: Jamie tells Kit about Jax. Kit has a minor spiral
WHEN: Saturday
WHERE: Jamie's room
WARNINGS: tension. A lot of feelings
Jamie has all of his knitting supplies organized around him on the bed when Kit enters the room, despite being uncertain if knitting will actually happen today. He feels a bit tense, Jamie can’t deny that. But he also has more faith in Kit to react well to the news that he and Jax were working towards something serious.
If timing had worked better, he would’ve told him earlier but that isn’t how this played out and he could only work with the time he has. “How’s your day been?” Jamie tries to maintain a casual tone.
Kit snorts. "I'm going to be honest with you, not great. You told me not to worry but when I'm told we need to talk, I'm going to worry." His tone is light and teasing and he even manages a small smile. This does not detract from the fact that he had, in fact, been anxious. He has no idea what Jamie wants to talk to him about. He already knows about his upcoming mission. He's certain Jamie is not announcing he's leaving. A promotion, perhaps? Discovered something about his parents or another loved one?
One other idea had occurred to him but it struck him as too impossible to really dwell on.
(Nevertheless, as he tugs down the sleeves of the sweater Jamie made him, worn because it quickly became a source of comfort and safety, it returns to him once more. His gaze drops to the knitting supplies spread across the bed, suddenly shy and irrationally concerned Jamie can read his mind)
"What about you?"
Jamie chews at his bottom lip, fears realized as Kit describes how Jamie’s vague ‘can we talk’ message stirred anxiety in him. He can’t let this shake him, he and Kit have been friends since Jamie stepped foot on the ship. And he knows that once the initial awkwardness passes, understanding will remain.
“I’m…sorry about that. I didn’t mean to make you worry. I just didn’t know how else to say I have something to talk to you about. I could’ve tried to explain myself better.” His stomach is inching lower in his body with every breath he takes in. It’s unfortunate timing for his body to do this to him.
Setting his eyes on Kit’s he pushes forward, “mine has been fine. Good. I just, well, I’ll cut to the chase I suppose. I want to talk to you about some things that are happening between me…and Jax.” His sentence ends flatly and he wishes he sounded more eloquent in the moment.
Kit frowns, confused. At no point did he think Jax would be the subject of this conversation. He wonders first if they had only just resolved their own feelings regarding Jax volunteering to be experimented on, but no, the two of them were fine before Jamie asked him to talk and Kit can't think of why Jamie would want to tell him that in person anyway. "What about Jax?"
What about Jax. This question bounces around in his head, waiting for Jamie to catch it and make sense of it. Of course Kit isn’t aware of anything going on between him and Jax, but this conversation would be much easier if he was. “Do you want to sit?” He asks first instead of answering Kit’s question.
Without waiting for Kit to respond, Kit can sit if he wants to, Jamie takes a steadying breath. “I went to talk to Jax a little bit ago because…well because I realized that I have feelings for him not of the friend variety and when I spoke to him it turns out that he feels the same way.” Jamie stops himself there to give Kit time to digest what’s just been said.
Kit tilts his head, trying to do the math. "A little bit ago…" Jax and Jamie always flirt, but Kit never thought it was with any real intent; he can't pinpoint a time when that would have changed. "When was this? I asked both of you, what, a week and a half ago if something was going on and you both said no." Should I be jealous, he'd asked Jamie, and it had been a joke then, but now he can't bring himself to repeat the words, afraid of how they would sound this time.
Jamie looks down at his hands in his lap, Kit’s right, he did ask if something was going on between them. And in that moment, Jamie responded with total honesty. Nothing was going on then. Or, as Jamie is now realizing, it was going on and he just hadn’t acknowledged to himself that it was more than harmless flirting. “A few days after that,” he tears his eyes away from his lap to look back up at Kit. “I was telling you the truth when you asked me. I didn’t think anything was going on, but everything started coming into perspective for me. I would’ve told you then if I had known.”
Kit's a terrible friend. Guilt hits him suddenly because the correct response should be amazing, I'm so happy for you! He shouldn't be standing here, centering himself and wondering why they hadn't told him sooner. He doesn't particularly want to sit but he does so anyway. He feels on edge and if he stays standing, he may pace, and truly, he is a terrible friend and this is why they didn't tell him.
Kit smiles, hoping it's convincing. "What happened?"
Kit’s smile isn’t convincing, Jamie can tell he’s feeling surprised by this information and for that, Jamie feels bad. His first instinct is to say that nothing much happened, but that would be a far cry from the truth. “I told him that there were moments I felt maybe there was something more going on and he said he felt the same.” A pause for Jamie to collect his thoughts, he doesn’t need to go point by point of everything he and Jax discussed. “We’re going to give it a go. We both want to.”
Kit nods. He has always known that what he and Jamie are— were— doing is a placeholder. Sooner rather or later, Jamie would find someone who deserved him; Kit has never seriously thought that it could or would be him.
(Only fleetingly. Only shamefully for Jamie shouldn't settle)
But Jax hadn't occurred to him either. And he is unprepared for this happening now when he thought maybe— the thought is quickly banished, only to be replaced by the realization that, god, the last time he and Jamie slept together was a few days before those conversations and was he thinking of Jax then?
(His stomach churns and he decided he doesn't want to know; there's no comfort either way)
"That's amazing! You both deserve to be happy." Kit is smiling still and he means it, he does. But still, his fingers curl inside his sweater, the heel of his palms pressing into his thighs as he tries to stop himself from replaying every conversation with the two of them over the past two weeks and—
"Fuck." His exhale is a laugh, tinged with nerves and embarrassment. "Do not ask Jax about a conversation we had a few days ago because it would not have happened if I had known."
Jamie drags a hand down his face, landing on his jaw that he now rubs subconsciously. “Thanks, Kit. I really would’ve liked to tell you earlier. I mean I guess this is still early, but I feel like I should’ve mentioned it right away. I wasn’t trying to keep anything from you, I promise.” He hopes the sincerity in his voice is conveyed to Kit, he never wants to hurt him but the added layer of them sleeping together over the years adds a little complication.
“The timing was just bad. I didn’t want to tell you when you and he weren’t speaking, that wouldn’t have been good.” Jamie doesn’t add that he thought this would’ve made things ten times worse, but the thought is there. “But you deserve to know and I’ve always been open with you. That isn’t going to change now.”
A hint of a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, “I promise not to ask him. That can stay between the two of you.” In his head, Jamie is curious what the conversation was, but it’s not something he needs to know.
Kit doesn't fully understand why they couldn't tell him earlier but he's not going to press. "Good, yeah, because I would have to fling myself from the airlock." It's an exaggeration but not entirely a joke. He always flirted with Jax but now knowing he has been involved with Jamie, his best friend, colors the experience differently. And worse— Kit thinks about the compliments he had bestowed upon Jamie, far too earnest and heartfelt, and what must Jamie have felt as he saw Kit lay himself bare. He thinks about how he buried his face in Jamie's neck the other day while Jamie held him and how wished he could stay the night, how he didn't want that easy intimacy and physicality to change. And then Jamie had, he assumes, gone to comfort Jax in the same way. He thinks of the sweater he suddenly feels too hot in, how he wanted to find a deeper meaning hidden in the stitches but sometimes a sweater is just a sweater. He thinks how oblivious he has been and it's mortifying and his face flushes, his leg bounces, with an anxiety he can't quite contain.
(Should I be jealous? He had asked and the answer he already is, already missing what he will lose. There's a special kind of ache that comes from thinking you've found your person only to realize they belong to someone else)
"I am happy for you." If Kit says it enough, he can quash the traitorous self pity that causes his chest to tighten. "I wish you had told me when you first realized—" but I'm a bad friend why would you "— but it's, fine, I get it."
Jamie tentatively reaches his hand out to touch Kit’s shoulder, something he has done a million times, in an attempt to provide some comfort that he’s unsure his words are conveying. “Please don’t fling yourself out of an airlock,” he replies sincerely. It’s a joke everyone makes from time to time, but knowing Kit, there might be a hint of truth in that sentiment right now.
“Kit, I’m not asking you to get it immediately. I believe you when you say you’re happy for me, but I don’t want you to think you have to react a certain way about me telling you this. I just wanted to tell you because I care about you and I care about our relationship. Me not telling you immediately after talking to him wasn’t anything to do with you. We’ve built a solid friendship since I got up here and that isn’t going to change. I told you a few days ago that I’ll always be here for you. I meant it then and I still mean it now.” Jamie’s tone remains calm and soft, “I don’t want you to feel unsafe around me or like you can’t continue being yourself with me. I’m grateful for every way you’ve opened up to me and more importantly I’m grateful for you.” He finally takes a long breath, hoping at least some of what he said makes sense and that Kit understands he’s allowed to have space for his feelings.
The more Jamie makes this about him, the more awful Kit feels. He's ashamed enough that he can't simply be happy for them, full stop, but it's worse that Jamie can sense his mixed feelings. Jamie should be elated over his new relationship and they should be celebrating together but instead here Jamie is, comforting Kit.
(This, Kit thinks, is part of the reason why it was never going to be him)
"Don't." It comes out a whine and Kit purses his lips, frustrated with himself. "You don't need to say all of that, you don't need to console me." God, he wants to crawl out of his skin and his hands twist in his lap. "I'm fine." He's not. He wishes he could believe Jamie and trust that nothing will change. He wishes it doesn't feel like Jamie just cracked his heart in pieces. "This is about you. I'm happy you found someone because you're the best person I know."
Jamie tilts his head to the side, almost in a question. “I didn’t think I was consoling you. I was making sure you know that this doesn’t change our friendship. I think reassurance and consolation are two different things,” he shrugs, maybe they just mean different things to him.
Kit hesitates and then reaches out to touch Jamie's knee. "You don't need to reassure me either."
A hand goes to the back of his head, scratching there, “if you’re truly okay then I’ll believe you and I won’t press. I don’t want you saying that just to make me feel better.” Perhaps Kit needs some time to digest everything and Jamie verbally dumping all of this on him at once is too much. “I just…want things to be okay between us and I know that’s not really my decision.”
Kit is not truly okay. He is truly on the verge of a spiral; he doesn't know how he is supposed to sit here and pretend like he didn't wonder if Jamie was going to make a different confession— and pretend like a part of him hadn't yearned for it. He isn't sure whether he can convincingly act normal when he feels foolish and rejected and his mind is still replaying every recent interaction, searching for his own faults. However, he will not make that Jamie's problem. He will smile and be congratulatory and act okay.
He nudges Jamie's shoulder lightly with his though he doesn't linger in his space like he usually would. "We're okay, Jamie. I'm not going to care about you any less because we have to stop sleeping together."
Jamie lets out a half-relieved laugh. He’s not entirely convinced he believes that everything is okay, but he’s not a mind reader and he’s said what he can, explained how important their friendship is to him. That’s all he can do right now.
Part of him wants to make a joke in return, try to lighten the mood, but his brain doesn’t think of one quick enough. “Okay, good. Sorry this was all probably more stressful than it needed to be. I’m not the best at breaking news to people sometimes.”
"You did fine," Kit reassures him, and that at least is true; it's Kit who's the problem. "Our relationship is—" was, he corrects, and tense stings "—different from some of your other friends. I get it. But this is good news. Please don't stress about me."
“Thanks, Kit,” he offers a more genuine smile this time, “it is good news.” He might continue to stress about this for a few days, but he’s done what he can, told Kit. And he is happy, there’s no changing that.
He stretches his legs out in front of him, looking at the various knitting supplies around him. “Did you want to knit still? No problem if you don’t. I can save everything until next week,” he hopes Kit stays.
No, Kit does not. He would very much rather retreat and lick his wounds. However, there is not a non-suspicious way to extricate himself, and he feels like enough of an asshole already. "No, it's fine." He smiles and pretends he means it. "Let's knit."
WHAT: Jamie tells Kit about Jax. Kit has a minor spiral
WHEN: Saturday
WHERE: Jamie's room
WARNINGS: tension. A lot of feelings
Jamie has all of his knitting supplies organized around him on the bed when Kit enters the room, despite being uncertain if knitting will actually happen today. He feels a bit tense, Jamie can’t deny that. But he also has more faith in Kit to react well to the news that he and Jax were working towards something serious.
If timing had worked better, he would’ve told him earlier but that isn’t how this played out and he could only work with the time he has. “How’s your day been?” Jamie tries to maintain a casual tone.
Kit snorts. "I'm going to be honest with you, not great. You told me not to worry but when I'm told we need to talk, I'm going to worry." His tone is light and teasing and he even manages a small smile. This does not detract from the fact that he had, in fact, been anxious. He has no idea what Jamie wants to talk to him about. He already knows about his upcoming mission. He's certain Jamie is not announcing he's leaving. A promotion, perhaps? Discovered something about his parents or another loved one?
One other idea had occurred to him but it struck him as too impossible to really dwell on.
(Nevertheless, as he tugs down the sleeves of the sweater Jamie made him, worn because it quickly became a source of comfort and safety, it returns to him once more. His gaze drops to the knitting supplies spread across the bed, suddenly shy and irrationally concerned Jamie can read his mind)
"What about you?"
Jamie chews at his bottom lip, fears realized as Kit describes how Jamie’s vague ‘can we talk’ message stirred anxiety in him. He can’t let this shake him, he and Kit have been friends since Jamie stepped foot on the ship. And he knows that once the initial awkwardness passes, understanding will remain.
“I’m…sorry about that. I didn’t mean to make you worry. I just didn’t know how else to say I have something to talk to you about. I could’ve tried to explain myself better.” His stomach is inching lower in his body with every breath he takes in. It’s unfortunate timing for his body to do this to him.
Setting his eyes on Kit’s he pushes forward, “mine has been fine. Good. I just, well, I’ll cut to the chase I suppose. I want to talk to you about some things that are happening between me…and Jax.” His sentence ends flatly and he wishes he sounded more eloquent in the moment.
Kit frowns, confused. At no point did he think Jax would be the subject of this conversation. He wonders first if they had only just resolved their own feelings regarding Jax volunteering to be experimented on, but no, the two of them were fine before Jamie asked him to talk and Kit can't think of why Jamie would want to tell him that in person anyway. "What about Jax?"
What about Jax. This question bounces around in his head, waiting for Jamie to catch it and make sense of it. Of course Kit isn’t aware of anything going on between him and Jax, but this conversation would be much easier if he was. “Do you want to sit?” He asks first instead of answering Kit’s question.
Without waiting for Kit to respond, Kit can sit if he wants to, Jamie takes a steadying breath. “I went to talk to Jax a little bit ago because…well because I realized that I have feelings for him not of the friend variety and when I spoke to him it turns out that he feels the same way.” Jamie stops himself there to give Kit time to digest what’s just been said.
Kit tilts his head, trying to do the math. "A little bit ago…" Jax and Jamie always flirt, but Kit never thought it was with any real intent; he can't pinpoint a time when that would have changed. "When was this? I asked both of you, what, a week and a half ago if something was going on and you both said no." Should I be jealous, he'd asked Jamie, and it had been a joke then, but now he can't bring himself to repeat the words, afraid of how they would sound this time.
Jamie looks down at his hands in his lap, Kit’s right, he did ask if something was going on between them. And in that moment, Jamie responded with total honesty. Nothing was going on then. Or, as Jamie is now realizing, it was going on and he just hadn’t acknowledged to himself that it was more than harmless flirting. “A few days after that,” he tears his eyes away from his lap to look back up at Kit. “I was telling you the truth when you asked me. I didn’t think anything was going on, but everything started coming into perspective for me. I would’ve told you then if I had known.”
Kit's a terrible friend. Guilt hits him suddenly because the correct response should be amazing, I'm so happy for you! He shouldn't be standing here, centering himself and wondering why they hadn't told him sooner. He doesn't particularly want to sit but he does so anyway. He feels on edge and if he stays standing, he may pace, and truly, he is a terrible friend and this is why they didn't tell him.
Kit smiles, hoping it's convincing. "What happened?"
Kit’s smile isn’t convincing, Jamie can tell he’s feeling surprised by this information and for that, Jamie feels bad. His first instinct is to say that nothing much happened, but that would be a far cry from the truth. “I told him that there were moments I felt maybe there was something more going on and he said he felt the same.” A pause for Jamie to collect his thoughts, he doesn’t need to go point by point of everything he and Jax discussed. “We’re going to give it a go. We both want to.”
Kit nods. He has always known that what he and Jamie are— were— doing is a placeholder. Sooner rather or later, Jamie would find someone who deserved him; Kit has never seriously thought that it could or would be him.
(Only fleetingly. Only shamefully for Jamie shouldn't settle)
But Jax hadn't occurred to him either. And he is unprepared for this happening now when he thought maybe— the thought is quickly banished, only to be replaced by the realization that, god, the last time he and Jamie slept together was a few days before those conversations and was he thinking of Jax then?
(His stomach churns and he decided he doesn't want to know; there's no comfort either way)
"That's amazing! You both deserve to be happy." Kit is smiling still and he means it, he does. But still, his fingers curl inside his sweater, the heel of his palms pressing into his thighs as he tries to stop himself from replaying every conversation with the two of them over the past two weeks and—
"Fuck." His exhale is a laugh, tinged with nerves and embarrassment. "Do not ask Jax about a conversation we had a few days ago because it would not have happened if I had known."
Jamie drags a hand down his face, landing on his jaw that he now rubs subconsciously. “Thanks, Kit. I really would’ve liked to tell you earlier. I mean I guess this is still early, but I feel like I should’ve mentioned it right away. I wasn’t trying to keep anything from you, I promise.” He hopes the sincerity in his voice is conveyed to Kit, he never wants to hurt him but the added layer of them sleeping together over the years adds a little complication.
“The timing was just bad. I didn’t want to tell you when you and he weren’t speaking, that wouldn’t have been good.” Jamie doesn’t add that he thought this would’ve made things ten times worse, but the thought is there. “But you deserve to know and I’ve always been open with you. That isn’t going to change now.”
A hint of a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, “I promise not to ask him. That can stay between the two of you.” In his head, Jamie is curious what the conversation was, but it’s not something he needs to know.
Kit doesn't fully understand why they couldn't tell him earlier but he's not going to press. "Good, yeah, because I would have to fling myself from the airlock." It's an exaggeration but not entirely a joke. He always flirted with Jax but now knowing he has been involved with Jamie, his best friend, colors the experience differently. And worse— Kit thinks about the compliments he had bestowed upon Jamie, far too earnest and heartfelt, and what must Jamie have felt as he saw Kit lay himself bare. He thinks about how he buried his face in Jamie's neck the other day while Jamie held him and how wished he could stay the night, how he didn't want that easy intimacy and physicality to change. And then Jamie had, he assumes, gone to comfort Jax in the same way. He thinks of the sweater he suddenly feels too hot in, how he wanted to find a deeper meaning hidden in the stitches but sometimes a sweater is just a sweater. He thinks how oblivious he has been and it's mortifying and his face flushes, his leg bounces, with an anxiety he can't quite contain.
(Should I be jealous? He had asked and the answer he already is, already missing what he will lose. There's a special kind of ache that comes from thinking you've found your person only to realize they belong to someone else)
"I am happy for you." If Kit says it enough, he can quash the traitorous self pity that causes his chest to tighten. "I wish you had told me when you first realized—" but I'm a bad friend why would you "— but it's, fine, I get it."
Jamie tentatively reaches his hand out to touch Kit’s shoulder, something he has done a million times, in an attempt to provide some comfort that he’s unsure his words are conveying. “Please don’t fling yourself out of an airlock,” he replies sincerely. It’s a joke everyone makes from time to time, but knowing Kit, there might be a hint of truth in that sentiment right now.
“Kit, I’m not asking you to get it immediately. I believe you when you say you’re happy for me, but I don’t want you to think you have to react a certain way about me telling you this. I just wanted to tell you because I care about you and I care about our relationship. Me not telling you immediately after talking to him wasn’t anything to do with you. We’ve built a solid friendship since I got up here and that isn’t going to change. I told you a few days ago that I’ll always be here for you. I meant it then and I still mean it now.” Jamie’s tone remains calm and soft, “I don’t want you to feel unsafe around me or like you can’t continue being yourself with me. I’m grateful for every way you’ve opened up to me and more importantly I’m grateful for you.” He finally takes a long breath, hoping at least some of what he said makes sense and that Kit understands he’s allowed to have space for his feelings.
The more Jamie makes this about him, the more awful Kit feels. He's ashamed enough that he can't simply be happy for them, full stop, but it's worse that Jamie can sense his mixed feelings. Jamie should be elated over his new relationship and they should be celebrating together but instead here Jamie is, comforting Kit.
(This, Kit thinks, is part of the reason why it was never going to be him)
"Don't." It comes out a whine and Kit purses his lips, frustrated with himself. "You don't need to say all of that, you don't need to console me." God, he wants to crawl out of his skin and his hands twist in his lap. "I'm fine." He's not. He wishes he could believe Jamie and trust that nothing will change. He wishes it doesn't feel like Jamie just cracked his heart in pieces. "This is about you. I'm happy you found someone because you're the best person I know."
Jamie tilts his head to the side, almost in a question. “I didn’t think I was consoling you. I was making sure you know that this doesn’t change our friendship. I think reassurance and consolation are two different things,” he shrugs, maybe they just mean different things to him.
Kit hesitates and then reaches out to touch Jamie's knee. "You don't need to reassure me either."
A hand goes to the back of his head, scratching there, “if you’re truly okay then I’ll believe you and I won’t press. I don’t want you saying that just to make me feel better.” Perhaps Kit needs some time to digest everything and Jamie verbally dumping all of this on him at once is too much. “I just…want things to be okay between us and I know that’s not really my decision.”
Kit is not truly okay. He is truly on the verge of a spiral; he doesn't know how he is supposed to sit here and pretend like he didn't wonder if Jamie was going to make a different confession— and pretend like a part of him hadn't yearned for it. He isn't sure whether he can convincingly act normal when he feels foolish and rejected and his mind is still replaying every recent interaction, searching for his own faults. However, he will not make that Jamie's problem. He will smile and be congratulatory and act okay.
He nudges Jamie's shoulder lightly with his though he doesn't linger in his space like he usually would. "We're okay, Jamie. I'm not going to care about you any less because we have to stop sleeping together."
Jamie lets out a half-relieved laugh. He’s not entirely convinced he believes that everything is okay, but he’s not a mind reader and he’s said what he can, explained how important their friendship is to him. That’s all he can do right now.
Part of him wants to make a joke in return, try to lighten the mood, but his brain doesn’t think of one quick enough. “Okay, good. Sorry this was all probably more stressful than it needed to be. I’m not the best at breaking news to people sometimes.”
"You did fine," Kit reassures him, and that at least is true; it's Kit who's the problem. "Our relationship is—" was, he corrects, and tense stings "—different from some of your other friends. I get it. But this is good news. Please don't stress about me."
“Thanks, Kit,” he offers a more genuine smile this time, “it is good news.” He might continue to stress about this for a few days, but he’s done what he can, told Kit. And he is happy, there’s no changing that.
He stretches his legs out in front of him, looking at the various knitting supplies around him. “Did you want to knit still? No problem if you don’t. I can save everything until next week,” he hopes Kit stays.
No, Kit does not. He would very much rather retreat and lick his wounds. However, there is not a non-suspicious way to extricate himself, and he feels like enough of an asshole already. "No, it's fine." He smiles and pretends he means it. "Let's knit."
no subject
no subject