jstjames 03

[jaxsons]

Sorry about last night.

Heard someone broke the last egg, but I made some flax eggs if anyone wants the protein or wants to bake.

RONEN.

Can I talk to you about something? It's [.....] not unrelated to what apparently happened last night.

TEAM KAMCHATKA.

T-minus 48 hours. Make sure you've got stuff packed for an overnight, and remember to dress up: Russia's cold in February, thought it shouldn't be too bad on the coast.

Can y'all take inventory of everything you find on site? Lynfield and Weber, you take point on viable medical equipment and supplies. I'll see you in the C1 hangar at 8am, UTC+12 local time.

( ooc: this post will have talk of PTSD - you're forewarned!)

Comments

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

Yes. I think I'm just hung up on a few weeks ago when I asked if he wanted to kiss me and he said "not at this moment" instead of no. I need to stop being so weirdo.

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

You're not being a weirdo. NorCal's giving you mixed signals, and that's not real fair to you, so don't take it out on yourself too much.

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

I mean I am also being weird.

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

Getting mixed signals can do that to you, I guess.

Do you want to kiss him?

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

Don’t ASK me this!!!

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

Because you don't want to say or you don't know?

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

Both??

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

I can start with a secret of mine, if you want.

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

Ooooh tell me!

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

I've got feelings for my best friend who I'm kinda sorta [....] seeing. Without us having a label.

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

Why no label??

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

Because it scares me, and he knows it scares me.

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

THAT doesn't seem like the scary part to me.

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

It is to me, Sef.

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

What makes it scary...?

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

It's heavy on top of your stuff which seems like a lot, so I'll tell you if you wanna know, otherwise it's your turn.

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

I mean I want to understand!

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

[...] My first boyfriend died in the Fall. He was the love of my life, and I've only been able to start processing his death in the last couple years. I see him everywhere, even in Jamie. Then my relationship with Ronen fell to pieces by no real fault of either of us, but it was hard to go through at the end. I sorta resigned myself to never wanting to try a relationship ever again, because I've convinced myself they can only end badly or in death.

But I'm [....] trying to talk myself into it. It's unfair to live life being afraid of the future, while ignoring what's happening in the present. Which is honestly really, really nice.

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

I'm glad it's good now. That's all that really matters. [...] I guess I just think kissing someone is a bigger deal than calling them your boyfriend.

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

"Boyfriend" makes it real. Means I really decided to commit to the idea of being happy again. Even though he's the only person I want to be kissing these days.

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

Did you tell him that?

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

[....] No? Not yet.

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

Just that you don't want to be his boyfriend??

Sefi/Jax.

[jaxsons]

That I want to try, but can he be patient with my heart. But I can see how it sounds now.

Sefi/Jax.

[backdrive]

I think what you said to me is more important than what you call it anyway! So maybe you should.