Any apprehensions Niko has about dancing with Adrían — and given the chill between them, he has many — don’t show on his face as he steps in and takes his hand, the other settling lightly at Adrían’s shoulder. “It wouldn’t be interesting if I listened to you all the time.” A beat. “But I suppose you’ll want to lead.”
Unfortunately, body memory is stronger than his hurt annoyance, and as he places his hands, his grip is tight, hold Nikola a little closer than necessary. "You are correct." He leads them through the first few steps easily, grudgingly appreciative of how easily they move together. "What do you want?"
Niko is a little surprised by the sudden closeness, but he doesn’t let it show — and he doesn’t mind it terribly. If anything, it suggests Adri might be more open to conciliation than he’s letting on. “Tell me why you’re upset,” he urges in a low voice. “What did I say that hurt you?”
"Niko." Adrían sighs, exhausted. He knows what this is: Nikola feels guilty, therefore reconciliation is the goal. And while he is used to giving him that — for all that they fight, it's usually started by one or the other in equal measure — it seems like they've entered this cycle of fight, reconcile, fight, reconcile. And now Adri is leaving, heightening everything, and he's just tired of it all. "I'm fine. We're fine. Let's just leave it at that."
“It clearly isn’t, and you’re about to leave for a week,” Niko shoots back, his brows knitting at Adrían’s obvious lie. His voice softens as he holds the other man’s gaze, intent and unwavering. “You’re important to me. We’re important to each other. Nothing is going to change that. You know that, right?”
He wants to shoot back that no, he doesn't know that because things have just been different lately, but instead he spins Nikola, pulls him against him for a moment, and then turns him back around. "I know that," he lies.
Hurt flickers across Niko’s face at the second lie, just as a twinge of pain runs through his leg from exerting himself without his cane. He smooths it all away, though, keeping his voice even, determined to see this conversation through. “I don’t know what else you want me to say, Adrían. I’m sorry about the misunderstanding over who was ending what. But we can’t have a real conversation if you’re going to lie to me. So if you truly want me to leave you alone, I will.”
"Nikola." He hates all of this. "I don't want you to say anything. You readily can believe that I would leave you so easily." Adrían considers leaving it at that, but he cannot stand to see the hurt flickering in Nikola's face, especially knowing that he put it there. Again.
He keeps hurting him.
"If you do not trust me, just tell me that." Adrí's voice is quiet, barely audible over the music. "Things have changed since Domingo returned. It seems like all we do is fight."
Niko, clearly surprised by the invocation of Domingo, blinks in surprise. But he smooths it away just as quickly. “You’re a man of science. You know correlation doesn’t equal causation. Our arguments have been about human experimentation, your insistence on going to Spain alone, and me misunderstanding something you said about our relationship. We would have had those fights regardless. It has nothing to do with him being here.”
Then, more firmly, despite how the admission makes him feel a little pathetic, he adds, “And I do trust you. I just find myself in a strange position lately. These doubts have less to do with you and more to do with me.”
"We fought about Spain because he insisted I tell you. You misunderstood because you are also dealing with whatever is going on between you two." He sounds extremely bitter and he looks away.
“Do you really think,” Niko says slowly, a note of incredulity threading his voice, “that we wouldn’t have fought about Spain if you’d simply run off without telling me? He did you a favor.”
“Ostensibly!” Niko repeats, incredulity blooming into open shock and indignation. The twinge in his leg is worsening — which makes no sense to him, given that they’ve stopped moving. “What is this? Am I only allowed to care about one person? If Domingo is in my life, does that make what I have with you meaningless? That would be very hypocritical of you, Aldana.”
He draws a steadying breath and reaches for Adrían’s chin. “I do care about you. That won’t change. But I want Domingo very much — more than I’ve wanted anything in a long time. That isn’t a slight against you, or something I’m doing to hurt you.”
This time when Nikola shifts his weight off his bad leg, Adrían notices. Gently, he pulls away from his touch to take his hand and slowly lead him off the dance floor towards a seat. "Sit down," he chides, firmly pushing him into it.
"Of course it doesn't make it meaningless, Nikola, and I am the last person who would demand you care only about me, but you keep weaponizing or saying things that make me think you doubt me."
Niko grumbles under his breath that he’s fine, but he doesn’t really protest as Adrían steers him toward a chair. He sits, stretches his leg out with a faint wince. The frustration of his reduced mobility — layered atop everything else — leaves him feeling rather useless.
“Despite long accepting that I’m the silver medalist in this situation — and being fine with that, or so I thought — it’s shaken me more than I expected,” he admits after a moment. “Not because I want to usurp Philip or anything quite so dramatic. I just...” What does it say about me? is what he can’t quite bring himself to say. “The doubts are about me. Not you.”
Adrían hears it nonetheless and he kneels down in front of Nikola, taking his hands in his. "Cari. There is nothing wrong with you. The fool in this situation — the one who loses — is me. Not you. Never you." Grip tightening, he lifts Niko's hands to his lips. "You are effervescent, Nikola Novak. You shine brightly, and you deserve someone to be blinded by you."
There is no point in saying he wishes that he was; however true it is, the words will only cut them both. Nikola, slashed with the implication that the failure was his; Adri with the wound of knowing that the failure here was his own. Again. Quietly: "I'm hurting you. Over and over and over again, and I do not mean to or want to, but I am."
Niko looks at Adrían with a blend of fondness and weary anticipation, as if he suspects he’s about to hear some self-sacrificing proposal that will only make things worse — something like continuing to avoid him. “The blow to my ego will pass. Things will be fine. There are more important things to worry about.”
"Will it? Or will I say something else that hurts you?" The challenge is soft, frustrated. "Or will something more happen with Philip that causes you to feel insecure? Or things with Domingo and you continue and I hypocritically get insecure?"
“It’s all out in the open now,” Niko counters, spreading his hands. “I’d like to think there’s enough maturity between two fifty-year-old men for us to navigate the future without resorting to anything drastic.” He punctuates the sentiment with a faintly amused huff. “Besides, I may hate coming in second, but I also know we’d be terrible together! Philip and Domingo deserve prizes for being willing to put up with us.”
Terrible together. That hurts for reasons he doesn't want to examine, especially when he agrees with the statement. Instead, he nods. "Right. They should. And you should get back to Domingo."
Niko gives Adrían a long look, then pats the chair beside him. “Domingo is very popular, and a very good dancer. I’m generous enough to share him with the rest of the class. You should sit with me for a while. We can discuss how vexed I’ll be without you while you’re gone.”
"I'm sure you'll have plenty to keep you busy." But he acquiesces, taking the vacant seat. "And with whatever free time you have, I doubt you'll want for ways to fill it. You won't even notice I'm gone."
"Fine. You get five minutes." Despite the fact that he seems relaxed in the chair, he's seated just off center, preventing their bodies from accidentally or purposely touching.
salsa: niko & adri
Any apprehensions Niko has about dancing with Adrían — and given the chill between them, he has many — don’t show on his face as he steps in and takes his hand, the other settling lightly at Adrían’s shoulder. “It wouldn’t be interesting if I listened to you all the time.” A beat. “But I suppose you’ll want to lead.”
[4, 4, 3, 3, 2, 1]
salsa: niko & adri
Unfortunately, body memory is stronger than his
hurtannoyance, and as he places his hands, his grip is tight, hold Nikola a little closer than necessary. "You are correct." He leads them through the first few steps easily, grudgingly appreciative of how easily they move together. "What do you want?"salsa: niko & adri
[6, 4, 3, 3, 3, 2]
salsa: niko & adri
"Niko." Adrían sighs, exhausted. He knows what this is: Nikola feels guilty, therefore reconciliation is the goal. And while he is used to giving him that — for all that they fight, it's usually started by one or the other in equal measure — it seems like they've entered this cycle of fight, reconcile, fight, reconcile. And now Adri is leaving, heightening everything, and he's just tired of it all. "I'm fine. We're fine. Let's just leave it at that."
salsa: niko & adri
[6, 4, 4, 4, 2, 1]
salsa: niko & adri
He wants to shoot back that no, he doesn't know that because things have just been different lately, but instead he spins Nikola, pulls him against him for a moment, and then turns him back around. "I know that," he lies.
salsa: niko & adri
[6, 4, 4, 2, 2, 2]
salsa: niko & adri
"Nikola." He hates all of this. "I don't want you to say anything. You readily can believe that I would leave you so easily." Adrían considers leaving it at that, but he cannot stand to see the hurt flickering in Nikola's face, especially knowing that he put it there. Again.
He keeps hurting him.
"If you do not trust me, just tell me that." Adrí's voice is quiet, barely audible over the music. "Things have changed since Domingo returned. It seems like all we do is fight."
salsa: niko & adri
Then, more firmly, despite how the admission makes him feel a little pathetic, he adds, “And I do trust you. I just find myself in a strange position lately. These doubts have less to do with you and more to do with me.”
[5, 3, 2, 2, 2, 1]
salsa: niko & adri
"We fought about Spain because he insisted I tell you. You misunderstood because you are also dealing with whatever is going on between you two." He sounds extremely bitter and he looks away.
salsa: niko & adri
[6, 2, 2, 2, 1, 1]
salsa: niko & adri
Adrían stops moving. "Of course we would have," he hisses. "Because you ostensibly care about me."
salsa: niko & adri
He draws a steadying breath and reaches for Adrían’s chin. “I do care about you. That won’t change. But I want Domingo very much — more than I’ve wanted anything in a long time. That isn’t a slight against you, or something I’m doing to hurt you.”
salsa: niko & adri
"Of course it doesn't make it meaningless, Nikola, and I am the last person who would demand you care only about me, but you keep weaponizing or saying things that make me think you doubt me."
salsa: niko & adri
“Despite long accepting that I’m the silver medalist in this situation — and being fine with that, or so I thought — it’s shaken me more than I expected,” he admits after a moment. “Not because I want to usurp Philip or anything quite so dramatic. I just...” What does it say about me? is what he can’t quite bring himself to say. “The doubts are about me. Not you.”
salsa: niko & adri
There is no point in saying he wishes that he was; however true it is, the words will only cut them both. Nikola, slashed with the implication that the failure was his; Adri with the wound of knowing that the failure here was his own. Again. Quietly: "I'm hurting you. Over and over and over again, and I do not mean to or want to, but I am."
salsa: niko & adri
salsa: niko & adri
salsa: niko & adri
salsa: niko & adri
salsa: niko & adri
salsa: niko & adri
salsa: niko & adri
salsa: niko & adri