veilbreak | (no subject)

CHARACTERS: Cal Dawson & Eren Martinez Dawson
WHAT: A reunion
WHEN: When Eren moved in (3 months ago?)
WHERE: Their room/just outside it
WARNINGS: It's a bummer

Cal sat on the lower bunk, a sigh escaping as he rested his head in his hands. Moving in general wasn't much work. In five years, he hadn't accumulated that many things to transport to a new room. The emotional weight of preparing for Eren's arrival – that was much heavier.

She would be mad. He left. But she would come to understand why, in time. It's what he told himself over and over again. He just had to be patient. He was good with waiting.

There was also the baby. The kid, now. His kid. He couldn't even start to think about that. Instead he got up, stretched, and set about re-organizing the room for the third time.

“Do you think when you move things around more things are going to appear?”

A flat, slightly too loud sound emanated from the door now as Eren slung a bag heavily over her shoulder, with a child growing too big for her hoisted on her other arm.

She didn’t look as tired as she felt, but there was something entirely too intense to her gaze as she stood in the doorway, waiting for an answer.

“Shit,” Cal swore – a rare slip for him – as his head knocked into the top bunk, startled by the sudden voice. He turned to face Eren, his gaze immediately drawn to the boy she was carrying. “Is that … I mean. Hey. Hi.”

“Hi.” Eren said in the same unsettlingly flat tone. Her face softened as she looked to the boy on her hip, leaning to set him down on the floor and dumping her bag unceremoniously moments after, no longer looking at Cal at all.

Luis stood blinking, one thumb up at his mouth. Eren crouched, her face softening, to look at her (their) son. “Hey buddy. You wanna go say hi to your dad?”

Cal could feel himself staring and looked away, tears welling. Though he’d had five years to get used to feeling things normally, each instance of strong emotions made him remember what he had lost all over again. “Sorry,” he apologized quickly, wiping his face. “He doesn’t have to. It’s probably been a lot already.”

“He wants to.” Eren said, firmly, eyes still on Luis who looked between his mother and father uncertainly. “We talked about this, right?” She said, softly now, and the child nodded.

She gestured forwards, still crouched in the doorway as her attention moved back to Cal himself, her face unmoving. “Go on.”

Their son muddled forward and Eren did nothing but watch.

With a small start, Cal knelt down, his wave awkward as the kid approached. It was still too strange to think of him as his son, but he nevertheless smiled, hoping it looked friendly. “Hey little man,” he offered, watching him closely.

Eren, from the corner, sighed as Luis looked uncertainly back towards her, jerking her chin in Cal’s direction. “Remember your manners.”

Two years of hiding both of their emotions had been more than enough, but Eren had to be better. She took a few steps forward herself, hesitant, to crouch down at the same level. “He’s not going to hurt you.” She murmured, with a look to Cal that looked exactly as much a threat as she intended.

Catching her gaze, Cal bit his lip. He had predicted this. “Ren, seriously. It’s fine.”

Eren fought the urge to bite, immediately, a deep breath in taken reluctantly. She didn’t respond to him. “Say hi.” She said instead, to Luis, who finally gave a hopeful sort of wave.

Cal waved back, again. “Hey. What’s your name?” he asked, his eye contact shifting between the two of them.

The little boy shook his head, as Eren continued to make steady eye contact. “Luis, talk please. We worked on this.”

Luis did not talk. Luis swallowed, instead, and hurled himself at his father to hug him, and for a moment Eren’s mask of stoicism cracked, just, with something else.

There was, regrettably, a split second before Cal reacted, wrapping his arms around his son. “Hey, it's okay,” he soothed, rubbing his back gently. “We're good.”

Eren swallowed thickly herself now, blinking as she looked away and bit back a retort too quickly. “I told him you’d just been working far away. He was really excited to see you.” She choked out, slowly.

Cal looked up, then, surprised at her act of kindness. “Thanks, Ren,” he smiled sadly, reaching one of his hands out to hers.

The first reaction was unthinking as she stretched out her hand in return, gaze softening just for a moment: the second wasn’t. That same hand froze in mid-air, for too long, until she swallowed and shoved her hands into her pockets as she stood up. “Don’t thank me.” She muttered, still something entirely too wet in her tone. Something wounded. “I gotta go take care of some things, you think you can handle him an hour or so?”

Cal let his hand drop, returning it to Luis's back before he pulled back to look at him. “We can hang, right? I've got … a toy I worked on. You wanna see it?” He didn't wait for answer before he looked at Eren, examining her face. “You wanna talk? Like … later?”

Eren pressed her lips together, pulling together the stoicism she’d faked for two years while her heart pounded somehow more than she’d felt all that time. That was the trouble with relative safety; everything felt so much more now. “Sure.” She said, finally, shrugging. “If you want.”

Raising his eyebrows, Cal left his first thought unsaid. “Yeah, I do.”

She glanced back once more at him with her composure back in place if not for one thing: she couldn’t keep the anguish out of her eyes. But then again, she’d never had to lie to him before. It felt like a pressure on her heart. “Okay.” Eren continued too quickly, gesturing to the bag. “His stuff is in there with mine. You’re probably not gonna need it for an hour. I’ll see you later.” And she turned on her heel quickly enough that she almost gave herself whiplash with it.

**

Closing the door to the bedroom slowly, Cal took one last look at a sleeping Luis before he turned his attention back to his wife. It wasn't lost on him that she did not want to talk, but he still felt like he should at least attempt to apologize. She'd let him hang out with Luis. That had to be a good sign, right?

“He's like …” Cal gestures behind him to the door, frustrated with his inability to articulate himself. “He's perfect, Ren.”

Eren sat on the floor a lot. She found it grounding. Right now she sat with her back against a cold wall, one knee up and the other leg outstretched, arms folded across that one knee. She nodded. “Of course he is.” She murmured, so very quiet now. “He saved us. We wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t how he is.”

She swallowed again, looking anywhere but at Cal. “His chip broke. He was maybe… three? Just turned three? And I heard him crying and it just-“ The tears welled at the corners of her eyes, then. “I knew I couldn’t let them put him back like that. I had to keep him safe.”

He nodded, his throat running dry as he listened. Hearing how old Luis was, is, reminded him how long he has been gone. “You did. We're safe here. He is.” As safe as any of them could be anywhere. “I'm so … I'm so sorry. I didn't … I thought we'd have it figured out by now. I thought we'd all be free.”

Eren glanced up then, something raw and furious settling into her expression. “You thought that? You thought. And you didn’t check, you didn’t think-“ One hand raked through her hair. “Two years. We were hiding for two years, in plain sight, and he was so brave.”

It was what he expected, but it didn't hurt any less because of the anticipation. “I know I messed this one up. I didn't … I don't know. I don't have a good reason. I'm sorry.” He leaned back to rest his head against the wall, watching her across the hallway.

Her eyes narrowed. “Great. That makes it all better I guess?”

“I didn't mean it like that,” he said quickly, hating the edge that he could hear in his voice. “I just meant like … I get if you're mad at me. I'm okay to wait. I know it's gonna take time.”

She could feel it again, that same sort of howling rage that swirled in the pit of her stomach. She was beginning to pick out the grief that intertwined with it. And so maybe she was cruel, and she knew it, but it felt better to hold the knife now than wait to feel how she’d been stabbed in the back this time.

“I don’t know what you’re waiting for.” Eren said, quietly, her hands balling into fists, nails cutting into palms.

Cal looked away, studying a tile on the ceiling for a long moment. What he was waiting for felt too ridiculous to voice aloud, especially to Eren right now. He looked down, not to her, but to his hands, fidgeting as he felt a restless energy course throughout him. “Do you want me to go?”

“No.” She said, too quickly. Then, a moment after- “Yes. I don’t know.”

There was a flip in Cal's stomach before he finally looked towards her. “We don't have to talk. I can just …” He gestured to their room behind him. “Be there.”

She still couldn’t shake the mistrust in her eyes, the suspicion. Fight or flight wasn’t easy to shake off. But Eren pushed herself to her feet, slowly, eyes fixed on the husband that felt almost like an alien to her now. “Be there for him. Please.” She said, finally glancing at the door. “I’m gonna need a minute. Or several.”

Cal nodded, his hand hesitating over the doorknob. On paper, the interaction went better than he imagined, but he still felt more uneasy than he expected. “Take your time.”