veilbreak | fbradshaw ‖ 001

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fbradshaw ‖ 001

So board games are all well and good — I ain't got a thing against 'em — but what this ship really needs is a way to play some honest to God competitive sports. And when I say competitive sports, I mean baseball. I'd settle for basketball in a pinch, but baseball's the great American pastime for a reason.

Might just be I’m getting to that stage where I'm starting to climb the walls from not being able to do much of anything. Not that Saldanha Bay was exactly a thrill ride, but at least you could stretch your legs without bumping into bulkheads.

Anyway. If any of y'all can figure out a way to play baseball in space, I'll owe you one so big it'll have interest on it.

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we've got enough to worry about without worrying about each other. but i get it, obviously. ~~i've been~~

de vries. and eren. we went through training together. everyone's been nice.

i got plenty to worry about but you're one of the most important.

they'd better've been. i like de vries, don't know martinez other than knowing her husband.

well, like i said. i'm good. [...] how's bobby?

he's funny.

would you say if you weren't? bobby's [...] okay, i think. ish. [...] less okay than 'as okay as anyone can be' but probably no worse than you or me, really.

he can be.

yeah, i would. [...] i've been having a hard time talking to him since i've been back. i don't know why.

like you've been having a hard time or like he's clamming up?

i think it's both of us. [...] maybe it's just me. i don't know.

[...] what're you feeling about it?

i don't know.

i'm not saying you gotta know exactly what you're feeling, but i know you're feeling more than a question mark, pol.

guilty. [...] i can't think about it too much.

how come?

i let you guys down.

you didn't. [...] we're not the ones who got chipped, pol. if anything, you're the one that got let down.

i was fine, cass. i had a two-bedroom apartment and a subaru. you were alone.

you were fine? you weren't even you.

no. but it wasn't hard. [...] don't take this the wrong way but i think bobby needed me around a little more than you did.

it's not about whether it was hard. you being you's the most important thing. makes my skin crawl thinking about how you were chipped.

i [...] i'm not gonna argue that. bobby's better off with someone to look to. ~~but i~~ b [...] you don't have anything to feel guilty about. took care of him best i could.

i hate that it's still in my head. [...] but that's not on you, either. i knew what the risks were.

i know you did.

i hate that it is too. [...] but even if shit gets fucked up again, i wouldn't let it stay fucked up.

if you could've been there, you would've. i get blaming yourself, i do it too sometimes, but just 'cause it didn't feel hard doesn't mean it wasn't the worst, you know?